Oklahomans having been telling us since we arrived about the great cultural icon that is the Oklahoma State Fair - and you weren’t wrong!

We went down on opening day to soak up the sights, sounds and smells. There are all the usual things we’d expect from what it originates from, namely the English county show - animal showing, riding competitions, best of breed, lightest Victoria Sponge cake, largest potato, nobbliest carrot, etc. Of course, the categories shift to a southern US format, so events include “Quilting”, “Rubber Stamping”, “Table Setting Contest – Adult Division” (very competitive, apparently, so kids have to be kept away for their own well-being - you can’t have them being traumatised by a sabotaged napkin), and for cutting edge students there is the “OU/OSU Best Decorated Tennis Shoe Contest”. Something for Zak and Jessica to introduce on Sunday mornings, perhaps…

Then comes the food contests, which is where the true battles are slugged out. Real events include “State Championship Chilli Cook-off”, “Pillsbury Refrigerated Pie Crust Pie Baking Championship” (a wonderful insight into the American psyche about cooking - you may have bought the product, but if you serve it then it’s your cooking and you receive the credit), “The Great American SPAM Championship” (cue Monty Python song) and “Stick with Canola Oil Fry it for the Fair Contest” (which obviously is a tautology, since everything for the fair is fried).

Entertainment at the fair above all revolves around food, mostly defined by the absence of anything of nutritional benefit and the presence of hugely inflated prices. There are stalls selling fried meat, some portions of which still have their choke chains attached, and other outlets with all types of sweet goodies, notably of course funnel cake. Between staggering from food counters, we watched “genuine” displays of “authentic” Native American culture. The presenters had all the energy of octogenarians at a school sports day, looking as if they really didn’t want to be there showing us paleskins their history. However, the Swifty Swine Racing Pigs (yes, really) proved very exciting viewing.

The evening ended watching the fabulous live free concert from… The Village People! Yes, they are still together, fairly sedentary, hanging onto their microphone stands somewhat heavily after any exertion, the lead singer splitting the seam in his leather pants before the first song even started, but banging out those 70 disco tunes with lots of enthusiasm. Macho, macho man!